I’m never really on here much anymore, but in case anyone from the old days is still here: hello!

I am well. I’m still with the bookstore, however my home location has closed, and I am now an assistant manager in my new store.

The love of my life of the past 11 years asked me to marry her last Friday. (I had spent the whole day telling myself it would be a perfect day to propose to her if I had a ring, which I do not have, so it worked out. I still need to get her a ring, and propose in my way.)

I’m super in debt, but aren’t we all?

At least my student loans have been paid off!

And. Yeah. I’m uhh. I can’t believe I have a fiancée now, and everything I’ve said about her since day one still rings true.

I’m excited to go home because I know she’ll be there. I wake up in the morning to her beautiful face. I’m able to sleep next to her and cuddle her when I get cold. I get to spend my days with her and I’ve never been this happy in any of my previous relationships.

I knew shortly after we started dating that she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. -sigh- I’m a huge fucking sap, and I always have been. I just…I can’t believe how far we’ve come and it really does prove to me that we are the luckiest people to have found one another.

Thursday my assistant store manager said she was leaving the company next week because she accepted a position as a project coordinator elsewhere.

My heart is sad, and it’s still sad.

She might not be moving away, but I won’t have my very small queer family anymore.

Maybe we can keep in touch and actually be friends instead of “lol you’re my boss”.

I don’t know why her leaving is hitting me as hard as it is but I fucking hate it.

I’m still alive!

It’s 3am and I’m awake because fuck periods but things have been mellowish?

I got called back to work around May 7th-ish.

I’m down to 5 student loans to pay off.

But my credit card bills are ridiculous.

One of my shift leads who I was very fond of resigned so they could move to another state.

She gave all of us a card and she was incredibly sweet in what she said about me and damn I miss her.

The lady has been kicking ass at work, customers constantly think she’s a manager, she’s gotten multiple shout outs for being a hardworking team player, and she’s slowly building a group of regular customers.

It’s Pride month, Black Lives Matter, and I’m exhausted but know that there’s more work that needs to be done.

Stay safe my friends!

Ps: I also hit the 5 star status on my animal crossing island so uh, yeah. Just 4 golden tools to go now.

For my birthday I was furloughed and know of two people who were laid off from my store.

The Earth decided it needed to rain.

But. Animal Crossing threw me a very cute birthday party at the start of launch this morning.

I’ve disappeared for a bit. But I’m still here! My work is somewhat of an essential business so we’re still open, just closed to the public.

I hope you all are staying safe, checking in on friends/family/loved ones, and that you’re enjoying some kind of peace to get away from this chaotic mess. I’ve been spending mine playing the new Animal Crossing game. If I remember to bring a journal with me to work, I may write a short story. Debating on if it’ll be illustrated.

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Selfies to let y’all know I’m still alive and kicking. Celebrated a year at the store this past week, and I have a mini experiment to conduct this week regarding voicing my opinion on things so uh this is gonna be a fun and stressful week for me.

My 2020 goals for this year include:

  • Reading more books/comics
  • Watching more movies/tv shows
  • Playing more video games
  • Saving more money
  • Making a meal 4x a month for the household, with one of the meals being vegan/vegetarian friendly.
  • Actually utilizing my health insurance and making sure my teeth are good and that the rest of my body is in good shape.

May I actually be able to do all of these, because I truly feel valuable at work, and I’m starting to feel confident enough to do the things I need to do.

Also, I bought 2 lottery tickets yesterday; I won my money back for the Tuesday night drawing. Now to see if I can be just as lucky tonight.

My manager wants to train me to be a shift lead at the store.

She was surprised I didn’t apply for the open position we had. She listed off all my qualities that she says she looks for in the leaders and noted that I would be great for it.

The previous inventory shift lead who took the open position asked me if I ever thought about having his old position.

It’s weird having people point out the qualities/quirks of mine that are suited for things. I guess they still like me if they think I can be a bigger position in the store.

The shift lead position is open again at my store. I feel discouraged from wanting to apply though.

I overheard that someone else was applying for it that is way more experienced here and I just don’t want the fucking hopes dashed again. I don’t want to apply to maybe be promoted, I want to be promoted.

Ask me the best thing I did was, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. I think my work is mediocre at best, and asking me to list off my accomplishments when I’m already feeing crummy is a big reason why I don’t want to apply for the position again.